Comments on brown bread ice cream: Staying Perfectly Still

Hi Good GirlThanks for sharing. I guess I'm just i...

2006-03-25T14:42:00.000+09:00

Hi Good Girl
Thanks for sharing. I guess I'm just in a bit of a tricky situation now. I think the hardest part is like you said, ' scraping through the superficial'.
Thank god there is work to keep me occupied while it can.
Cheers

i'm of the "many acquaintants, very few friends" c...

2006-03-23T18:00:00.000+09:00

i'm of the "many acquaintants, very few friends" category too. sometime last year, another best friend left the ctry, adding to the list of bosom pals who are away. the few close friends i had then living here often travelled for work and i remember feeling pretty desolate. no one to call, no one to be giddy with, no one to watch tv with. i remember scrolling through my phone list and finding absolutely NO ONE to ring, anyone i cld exchange more than 2 sentences with. i am very good at being alone, in fact, i crave that. but that month was dire. I started just going out more, starting with not-quite-bosom-but-a-drink-with-you-is-kinda-fine acquaintants and actively making conversation and accepting invitations to hang out, ignoring my teensy tolerance for small talk. a year later, my best friends from ago remain still, but i have a whole new group i call home. it takes time and EFFORT, and a lot of getting over myself, but it's worth it. you have to scrap through much that is superficial to get that one or two real deals. a dash of serendipity doesn't hurt too xo

EVE, have you been in S'pore long now?

Thankfully, I'm in a pretty content place right no...

2006-03-23T16:08:00.000+09:00

Thankfully, I'm in a pretty content place right now. But I do remember how it was and you have my total sympathy.

from Rachel

Hi RachelYou are right. I see some parallels betwe...

2006-03-23T13:44:00.000+09:00

Hi Rachel

You are right. I see some parallels between what you are going through (have gone through?) and the things I face in my life. I had a good long talk with a friend the other day and do realise that I am indeed putting a lot of pressure on my partner and it isn’t fair. I have never really done something like this and I am not sure what it is. I used to be such a stoic, non-committal person. I don’t know if it’s because I've become soft as I age or it is just the situation I am in.
I am inspired by the things you have done despite in being a somewhat similar situation. I am glad though that being in Singapore, there are no language difficulties and it is easier to get out there and try to join a club or do things to keep me occupied.

I hope to hear more about the things you have done to get out of the situation I ( you were) am in now. I am sorry for being paranoid because of the stalker but would feel more uninhibited if I could write you in an email.
Hope that is okay!

Cheers
Eve

Hi Eve, A stalker! Scary. What happened? Or is tha...

2006-03-23T00:00:00.000+09:00

Hi Eve,

A stalker! Scary. What happened? Or is that just too long a story to fit into a comment?

I think that if you enjoy writing, even if you have to go through the trouble of getting a password-protected blog, it might be worth it if it helps you put down your thoughts and keep in touch with your people.

Oh, I know just how you are feeling because I did use to feel exactly the same. To simply speak with a human being--ahh, the yearning for that used to drive me near insane. And then I'd be so hurt and angry when my husband came home and couldn't seem to stay awake long enough for me to pour my heart out to him.

I kind of snapped out of it one day though when I read somewhere that it's unfair to put so much responsibility on your partner, to expect him to be your everything. And frankly, being overly dependent on one person has always scared me. So I simply started doing all kinds of things that I'd previously resisted starting because they suggested permanence and long-term commitment. But these things also finally gave me a life separate from my husband. I signed up for a year's worth of bread baking classes, I started meeting up regularly with a person for Japanese-English language exchanges, I joined a book club, etc.

And suddenly, while I was glad to see him, I didn't NEED my husband's company in an all-consuming manner anymore.

You know, one thing you could do that I can't because of my limited Japanese is to simply get a part-time job outside of the house.

I too am changing as I get older though, and the thought of moving out of Japan... well, it makes me feel balky, I guess. Part of me gets a little thrill of excitement but another half thinks, well, I'm happy here now.

Perhaps all it is is that you're still just settling in? How long have you been in Singapore now? I'm sorry, I'm realizing that this is getting rather in-depth. If you'd rather communicate through emails, let me know. I just like the idea that someone else in a similar situation might read this and get something out of it--maybe hope? You know: we survived, and so will you!

I hope you'll keep writing and commenting.

from Rachel

Hi RachelI did have a blog before but ( long story...

2006-03-21T11:37:00.000+09:00

Hi Rachel

I did have a blog before but ( long story short) closed it because someone started stalking me and I just couldn't handle it anymore. I often think it would be so nice to have one to keep in touch with my closest friends and family but find the possibility of having a password protected blog rather off putting.

In my current situation, I feel rather alone and limited with whom I can talk to. And when he comes home from work, I am all over him and wanting to tell him about the frivolities of my day. I don't really like being like this and hope that it's just a situational thing.

Hey it is true that if you have the weekends to cherish, that will definitely keep the tedium at bay!
In my case, I am hoping that a move to Japan will help rid me of my "clingy-ness" and we can have a much healthier relationship.

I don't know about you but I used to feel very stoic about things and moving around and not having permanence. But maybe as I get older, I do miss the perks you get with permanence. Like calling up a girlfriend for a cuppa instead of emailing or making an overseas call ( even with skype, where the connection might be bad and you try again).

If you'd like, you can email me at surlaplagejapon@gmail.com

Cheers
Eve

Hi Cathy, It must be wonderful to, as you say, fee...

2006-03-20T17:26:00.000+09:00

Hi Cathy,
It must be wonderful to, as you say, feel connected to a particular place. But I think a large part of what ties us is the people we know and love, and I just need to keep that in mind.

Hi Jaime,
Oh gosh, let's be greedy and wish for both: a wonderful place and a wonderful job, since I believe each affects how we view the other.

Hi Eve,
We live very similarly, don't we. I know I asked you this before, but you never replied--you don't have a blog, do you? The Internet definitely does help me stay in touch with people, but there's always the knowledge that we might never meet more than once every few/many years and that it's impossible to really be close this way.

I initially was a bit upset when I realized I would never have the stereotypical relationship with my husband, where he comes home at 7pm and we have dinner together and chat about our day. But the truth is that (a) I'm so glad I don't have to think about and cook dinner every night and (b) we actually savor our weekends together a lot more, I think, than other couples because that's the only time we have together. Oh, and then there's (c): I kind of feel like, if we are lucky enough to have an average marriage lifespan of about 50 years, that's actually a hell of a lot of years together and maybe having a weekend relationship will help keep the tedium at bay.

from Rachel

I feel the same too and have never bothered buying...

2006-03-19T21:43:00.000+09:00

I feel the same too and have never bothered buying permanent furniture or tried making my home, "homely" because like you, I have had pitstops throughout my life since high school and I know that it will continue to stay like this for awhile.
I used to get upset with people coming in and out of my life but the internet has made it so much easier for me to keep in touch with the few "quality" friends I have and treasure. I have found it really hard to make friends in Japan, at times, almost giving up because I know this new friend I make might not be here the next season.
How do you cope with your husband working long days? I find it really frustrating that I work from home, have practically no one to talk to, see no one and when my partner comes home, he's buggered and has to go to bed.
eve

I know exactly how you feel although I do accumula...

2006-03-19T06:36:00.000+09:00

I know exactly how you feel although I do accumulate stuff because I need my kitchen appliances to make strnage places seem like home (my waffle maker and bread machine in particular). Anyway, Bert and I always talk about 'the perfect place versus the perfect job' and which one we'd rather have. It's all very hypothetical cause neither one of us has found either the perfect place or the perfect job but I like to think that either one or the other would be enough...but maybe not.

I can't imagine not feeling connected to a place -...

2006-03-19T00:37:00.000+09:00

I can't imagine not feeling connected to a place - it's something most of us take for granted I guess. Being single, I don't have that powerful connection to one other that you do, but I am similar to you in having (and needing) a relatively small number of friends. With work, family, and hobbies more than fully occupying my time, I find most of my social contacts (apart from family) are at work.

from Cathy