26.3.05

Something Here and Something Gone

Right now, we are in the grip of Almost-Spring. Brilliant baby leaves not yet unfurled, pea-sized weedy blossoms barely visible in the yellow grass, and maddeningly erratic weather that strokes you with warmth one day only to hurl a frigid deluge down on your head the next. These things tell us in a natural fashion that we're about to have ourselves some Spring.

But there have been other signs, clearer and more terrifying: The new, towering shelf that appeared in my grocery store a few weeks back, stocked full of medications. The timely commercials on TV offering false promises of hope. And then, the masks. Everywhere I turn--inside buildings and on the streets--I see faceless people, their noses and mouths hidden by surgical masks. Do you remember the street scenes that appeared on TV during the SARS outbreak? It kind of looks like that in Tokyo every Spring, but with a lot less tension. What's going on? Hay fever.

Every year, a growing number of people (right now, it's one in five) in Japan suffer, unable to breathe, sleep, or function properly, for three to four months--MONTHS!--because of the pollen blowing into towns from the millions of cedar trees planted around the country. You'd think that with such a long-occurring and ever-worsening reaction they'd stop planting that particular species of tree. Nope. They just keep on planting 'em. Oh, wait, I believe 200 non-pollen-producing saplings were grown this year--yay, I'll be able to enjoy the fruits of that little experiment by the time I'm 270, give or take a few decades.

Whoa, do I sound bitter. Well, people, I am. Sure, it sucks that I'd never been allergic to anything for 24 years until I breathed one fine Spring day in Japan. Yeah, its worrisome to be popping enough pills that it would probably take weeks to get all these chemicals out of my system. Of course it's annoying on those days when my nose just won't stop running and I have to cram a big roll of toilet paper in my bag when I go out (and let's not dismiss the sheer embarrassment of having to blow one's nose in public when doing so produces a noise startlingly similar to some of the dinosaur screeches in Jurassic Park, with Dolby Surround). But what really tops the sundae, what really bothers me is that it's hard right now to enjoy food.

Of course, there is the physical discomfort. When you can't breathe through your nose, you walk around gaping like a goldfish, and you're pretty much forced to stop breathing each time you sip, chew, or swallow. There are days, eating leaves me gasping for air.

But worse than this is the loss of sensory pleasure. It's an interesting experience: to yearn for a cup of tea at the very moment that you're sipping it. To push away a piece of chocolate cake because it may as well be a dish sponge.

I also miss those olfactory moments right before I taste something. When I wrap my hands around a cup of tea, lean my face into the fragrant steam, and inhale deeply as I take that first sip. Or, when I'm peeling an orange, and each time I dig my nail into a strip of skin, there is that little burst of citrus mist, and I feel my mouth watering in anticipation of the bright, sharp flavor.

It's not like everything I put in my mouth tastes like sawdust; its more like everything I taste is coated in sawdust. The flavors are muffled. An orange will taste mildly sweet, but nothing beyond that and the texture help me distinguish it from any other juicy, mildly sweet food. I've taken to drinking hot water in the morning, since anything else would be a waste of money.

Thank goodness not every day is equally bad. And supposedly, I should have my nose back in working order by the end of May. Also, I try to shame myself into not fussing by recalling a former colleague who, one day, after 30 years of enjoying chocolate, cake, and ice cream, suddenly became allergic to sugar. How sad is that? And not even a scapegoat in the form of the Japanese government upon which she could unleash her anger--actually, she seemed to handle it pretty well, although I think she was just trying to put up a brave front while the rest of us were stuffing our faces with the requisite Blackout Cake that accompanied anyone's birthday at the office (O, those were the days). I always ate an extra piece for her.
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22.3.05


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UDD Free


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18.3.05

Even Doggies Get the Runs Blues

Just a warning that this is one of those pet-owner posts that are liberally smeared with nasty poop talk.

When you've got a domesticated animal on your hands who will attempt to eat the most repulsive things he snuffles up to while on a walk, you do what you must: you reach into his little mouth and you find yourself handling and pulling out slimed substances best hurled away without examination. Unfortunately, with small dogs, a hastily gulped "snack" can easily slip your notice. And then what goes in must come out. One way or another. This week it was another.

Smack dab in the middle of The Project from Hell, whose looming deadline had me losing precious weekend, my Edward welcomed me home one night with the runs, literally covered in it. For anyone considering getting themselves a cuddly little puppy, perhaps you should first glimpse the darker side of having a dog.

One thing a dog owner is forced to grow immune to is poop. It's something you deal with on a daily basis and encounters are often up close and personal. But doggy diarrhea (let's call it DD from now on) can be a totally different story, depending on what you're dealing with. In my view, there are only two categories of DD that matter: containable DD (CDD) and uncontainable DD (UDD). I'm hoping you don't require further elaboration. Considering the condition I found Edward in despite racing home from work as soon as possible (I'd been prepared for the worst, since DD had already left one calling card early in the morning), I knew what we were dealing with (UDD), and inwardly--and outwardly--I groaned.

The Project from Hell was put on hold that night, as my time was pretty much monopolized by numerous dog baths and frequent, er, house cleaning. Eventually, reaching the end of my tether, I spread out a lot of newspaper and gave Edward's butt a severe buzz cut (with some blunt scissors, poor boy) to avoid any more trips to the shower.

Now, here's where I actually have something useful to share with other dog owners or dog owner wannabees. No, I haven't been going on and on about DD just cause I thought you would enjoy a post on excrement. Sheesh. Anyway, when Edward gets DD, I usually stop feeding him his usual kibble because his poor stomach's in turmoil and needs a break. However, his appetite seems to remain as healthy as ever, and so I feed him something often eaten by sick humans in Japan: okayu. This stuff is perfect for a DD-ing dog because it's very plain (nothing but rice and water) and easy to digest. Edward loves it. But the crowning touch that I recently came up with was to add a spoonful of katsuo bushi shavings, which is unsalted smoked fish that kind of looks like sawdust but smells really good. Since there's nothing to it but fish (no seasonings, additives, etc.) and it comes in handy single-serving packets, it's safe for dogs and rounds out the meal with a little protein oomph. I bet it wouldn't be too hard to find katsuo outside of Japan, either.

Fortunately, the UDD ended in a mere couple of days--thanks in part to the power of my katsuo okayu?--or we would have gone to the vet. DD, though nasty, usually isn't serious, but it can be.
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New Gallery!



Brown bread ice cream now has a photo gallery! (It's under "contents" in the sidebar.) In addition to the treat of viewing many of my cheap cell phone camera pictures en masse, the gallery is also an easy way to find archived posts--click on a thumbnail, and if it is part of an old post, the link will take you there. Uh, enjoy?
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17.3.05

Finally: "Music in My Kitchen"

I was tagged a loooooong time ago by Lynn of To Short Term Memories to continue a chainish thing called Music in My Kitchen, which I'd quietly observed moving through the food bloggerverse and felt confident would not come my way since I do not have a food blog. Well!

I took so long cause I got sidetracked by a recent trip and then I got bombarded by work and okay I'll stop stalling already. I do love music--listening to it and belting it. I just don't feel like I know enough to actually write about it. But since I was asked...

What is the total amount of music files on your computer?
About 240,425 KB. (Does this mean anything to anyone?)

What was the last CD you bought?
Brahms Ein Deutsches Requiem (conducted by Kurt Masur) -- I'm not a classical music buff, and I probably never would have heard of Brahms Requiem if not for my choir teacher in college, but this is good stuff (do you see why I don't try to write about music?). Well, the music is heady, the emotions are palpable, and when we performed it, I got goosebumps.

What was the last song you listened to before reading this message?
Dave Matthews Band - Crash Into Me

Write down five songs you often listen to or that mean a lot to you:
1. Bruce Springsteen - Streets Of Philadelphia. Every time I listen to this song, both the lyrics and Bruce's gently despairing voice always get me.

2. Tracy Chapman - The Promise
There's nothing melodramatic or complicated going on here. It's simple and tender, nice.

3. Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman - Come What May (Moulin Rouge soundtrack)
I just like hearing Ewan McGregor sing the first two lines, to be honest. I'm not actually a big fan of Mr. McGregor, but I like how his voice sounds here--tentative and heartfelt, and hearing it always makes me go awwww.

4. Joni Mitchell - Both Sides Now (2000 recording)
The original was okay, but this later version is how the song was meant to be: from Joni's completely transformed voice--aged, a little worn--to the more lyrical, thoughtful pace and the orchestral accompaniment.

5. Roberta Flack - The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face
I have to admit, if you're feeling sad, I don't know if listening to Roberta would be a good idea. Even her happier songs just aren't...well...very happy. This song isn't tragic, I don't think, but to me there's a somber quality to the music. There's also reverence, perfectly captured in Roberta Flack's quiet style.

Who are you going to pass this on to (3 persons) and why?
Jessica of What, you too? because I'm curious what music she likes and I don't think she'd mind getting tagged, right Jessica? (Yes, I know I'm ignoring the "3 persons" part and keeping this chain outside the food blogging world.)
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9.3.05

Con-spirit-cy

After that last post, y'all now think of me as some tonsured, bread-eating, tap water drinking woman content to live in the same sack-cloth jumpsuit for the rest of her apathetic life (but with happy undies), right?

Well. You're wrong, I say without defensiveness. Contrary to any assumptions, this post isn't rooted in some juvenile need to prove myself but rather was prompted by a recent unsettling experience that has confirmed a strange conspiracy going on involving me and spirits. Spirits of the drinky kind.

In my entire life, I've only gotten seriously inebriated three times because (a) more than many things, I deeply loathe being nauseated; (b) I have a high alcohol tolerance level; and (c) I fear what comes the morning after. For all of you dismissing (c) as merely a silly euphemism for a hangover, you're wrong. It's something else, something far worse.

Oh, sure, I've been my share of tipsy and more, here and there. But I generally wake from these episodes curiously refreshed and raring for an obscenely large breakfast. When I say "seriously inebriated," I'm referring to those times when memory quite literally goes on vacation somewhere far, far away. It just so happens that my brain quite recently took trip number three, while I was away in Canada, and the events that followed seem to prove that something sinister and inexplicable is at work here.

Allow me to present my case.

Seriously Inebriated Episode #1
    The drink responsible: This was my ruinous one night stand with tequila, partially the bartender's fault because no way in heck could those tumblers have ever been considered shot glasses, and partially my sister-in-law's fault because she got all starchy about how each tequila shot had to be chased with lots of beer, like it was some unbreachable law forged in lime wedges.

    Hazy summation: I did something that made enough of an impact on the bartender that when he saw me a few days later, he actually asked me if I was "feeling better"--what I did might have involved some loud, impassioned speechmaking, possibly perched on top of the bar (I've been part of a choir since I was 12 and I have really excellent projection, or so I've been told).

    The morning-after punishment: I woke up the next morning to the novel and freaky experience of having no recollection of how I'd gotten...wherever it was I was--thankfully, it turned out to be my own bed. I was not feeling peppy, but I was handling it. Until, I stepped out of the room and found myself engulfed in a putrid stench, moist and wrenching, infinitely nausea enhancing, and inescapable--we were in a very small apartment. I staggered to the kitchen to find the source of my misery, and there I came upon the sight of my mother, merrily making duck soup at nine in the morning. First of all, my mom does not do things like cook in the morning--not even pancakes. Second, she does not ever make duck soup. Chicken, yes; not duck, not a meat so full of fat if you roast it without draining, you can tip the carcass and a river of oil will come flooding out. And third, do you have any idea what duck soup smells like? Suffice it to say you don't want to when you're hung over.

    As if I hadn't been tortured enough, my mom then told me not to go anywhere because we were all going to be spending the day together, as a family. I managed to find a short reprieve by dragging a large amount of laundry down to the blessedly duckless basement of the building, but the rest of the day was spent huddled in the back seat of a minivan with my big, noisy family because it was such a nice day for a drive.

Seriously Drunk Episode #2
    The drink responsible: I was really all over the board this time, but the fact that even now, I can't seem to enjoy wine indicates where my enthusiasm primarily lay.

    Hazy summation: I don't remember anything except that I threw up, something that hadn't happened since I was about five years old and down with a bad flu.

    The morning-after punishment: We were actually on vacation and supposed to catch a ferry, but the ongoing typhoons should have kept us land-locked. But, no, at 7am, there was a jarring wake-up call and what ensued was a two-and-a-half-hour torture session in oceanic hell boat trip, with much rolling and slamming over the playful, bouncy waves. I'll spare you the pretty details, but suffice it to say, I left such an impression on the woman seated near to where I stood clinging to the boat rail that when she saw me a few days later, she came over and asked me if I was "feeling better."

Seriously Inebriated Episode #3
    The drink responsible: Whiskey on the rocks all the way. Lest you're beginning to entertain the notion that I'm some sort of secret lush, let me just state for the record that I went straight for the bar with the express purpose of getting totally smashed. Now, now, "judge not," etc. At the risk of revealing my inner wuss, I was going to make my matron-of-honor speech that night and was pretty much standing on the edge of a total, fear-induced meltdown. I...(wipe sweat off brow)...don't like public speaking. Quite frankly it scares the living hell out of me and can only successfully pull it off when I'm just before that point of losing consciousness.

    Hazy summation: I was told my speech went okay. I think I blubbered a bit toward the end, which gave it some emotional impact and earned me a few possible sympathy votes. I might not remember all that I said but the important thing is that I'll never know just how big a fool I made of myself. After that, I do recall dancing up a storm, as was everyone else at the wedding--I was not the only one who had partaken of the spirits. That dance floor was seriously worked and I remember having a truly excellent time. Until the fact that I hadn't eaten anything the whole day and my stomach was pickling in scotch started catching up with me. Fast forward.

    The morning-after punishment: Okay, I guess it's pretty tough to top duck soup and a stormy boat ride. But have you ever driven the road between Vancouver and Whistler? It cuts through a few mountains. You wouldn't call it a straight road. No. Well, it just so happened that I absolutely had to be on that road that day to get back to Vancouver. Funny how I always remember the trip taking 1 1/2 hours but this time it was really more like 3 1/2. And then when we got to our destination, there were some complications that I won't get into, but essentially, nauseated and exhausted, I found myself sleeping on a stranger's couch, with said stranger snoring in the neighboring room, while I waited for someone I didn't know very well to come get me because of those complications I won't get into. The snoring stranger awoke, baffled to find a not-so-cute Ungoldilocks napping in his living room, I babbled incoherent explanations, the person I didn't know very well finally arrived, and we spent a strained few hours together. I'd never wanted a shower and bed quite so much in all my life.

What do you think? Am I crazy? I think not. Some people get hangovers. I seem to have been gifted with the deluxe You Are Never Going to Have Another Drink Again or the Next Time You Will Really Suffer treatment. Fine. Whoever is in charge of torturing me, you win. I don't think I could handle another round. And even though it's been almost a week since the experience, I still don't want to even smell alcohol. Ah, this new abstinence is going to fit right in with my monk image.
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7.3.05

O Canada!

I may be a lot of things but one thing I'm not is a piner. Stop any Singaporean living overseas and ask what he or she misses about home. I guarantee you the answer will either be "food" or the name of a specific dish groaned with desperate reverence. A former American colleague of mine in Tokyo ate lunch every single day at Subway, not because she loved their sandwiches that much but because she sought something comforting and familiar. In contrast, I just spent the last week in Canada and didn't see rice once, and could not imagine any Japanese acquaintance of mine tolerating such an "ordeal" without making a break for the nearest fast-food Chinese takeout only to completely freak out at the first taste of long grain or, worse, Uncle Ben's. I don't make fun of such miseries. I can only be immensely grateful that despite living in a foreign land, where some of the things I love are unattainable, somehow I don't seem to care mind.

I suppose my easy contentment is due in part to a monkish tendency toward self-denial and an avoidance of overindulging. For example, I don't shop much, so when I do buy even the simplest things, I can become unnaturally gleeful over, say, new underwear with multicolored frolicking whale print--oh, come on, don't tell me that doesn't sound wonderful. Indeed, before I got married, my most sophisticated argument against the institution of matrimony was: would you really want to eat chocolate cake every day, at every meal, for the rest of your life?--my fair choice of chocolate cake indicating that it was possible to have too much of even this ultimate treat. Incidentally, I don't see my husband that often because he's always working (he's a "salaryman"), so in my case, marriage is more like chocolate cake every weekend for the rest of my life, which sounds pretty good to me.

This doesn't mean I don't know how to go all out when a fleeting opportunity presents itself. So while I was in Canada last week--mostly Vancouver and a little Whistler--it was Nostalgia Fest 2005 and I did my best to savor all the things one wouldn't find in Japan, and in the process found myself thrilled anew by things I'd forgotten and would have missed, were I the missing type.

What did I enjoy? Uh oh, I feel an unordered list coming up.
  • cars stopping for pedestrians at crosswalks -- that's right, they stopped for me. Every time. The first time this happened, I was torn between awe and an arrogant realization of my own pedestrian power. In Japan, this sort of thing just doesn't happen. If you're thinking of coming to this country or you're new here, please do NOT attempt a zebra crossing if there are any approaching vehicles. I think the Ministry of Public Works just had extra cash to burn at the end of the fiscal year and thought some road fresco would look pretty because that cute stripy pattern holds no meaning for Japanese motorists.


  • hanging out with old friends, watching videos but not really watching because you're too busy laughing and talking at an annoyingly loud volume (having lived in Japan about four years now, I'd forgotten just how loud and annoying I can be).


  • whole wheat bread -- I *love* whole wheat bread, the denser and heartier the better, but unfortunately it is a rare commodity in Japan owing to the Asian palate's preference for light, white, fluffy stuff. I completely stunned my friend's mom and later overheard her relaying my plight to a flock of Canadian ladies--"[collective gasp] No whole wheat bread?" And, violins.


  • the tap water -- at the risk of gushing, I need to shout out: Canadian tap is the best water I've ever had! I'm one of those stingy types who refuses to pay for bottled water, so I guess I have no right to complain, but frankly, the tap water in Japan is pretty well chlorinated (the first few times I leaned into my water glass, I was instantly transported to the rec center swimming pool of my childhood). In contrast, the water in Vancouver is so good it actually tastes sweet.

Well, those were the big mentions. I know, you're probably blinking and saying to yourself, "Friends, bread, water... that's it? What kind of sad person is this?" What can I say? I'm a simple woman with simle tastes. Just call me Brother Rachel.

If you're still not convinced, I should explain that Vancouver used to be home, from the time I was nine until I left at seventeen. I didn't really need to do the whole tourist circuit this time round. I wanted merely to see the plain, everyday things I'd left behind. I remember when some friends and I stepped into a Safeway supermarket my first day back, I shouted out ecstatically, "Oh, this smell!" and earned us a look from a nearby lady. It wasn't good or bad, just a smell that once used to mean supermarket to me. There were so many basic things I'd completely forgotten about Vancouver: how high the trees loomed, the sight of the mountains encircling the city, skies so overcast you could believe you'd never see the sun ever again, the old lady statue seated on a bench in Stanley Park, Burnaby, Lonsdale Market, Mmmuffins, Caramilk bars--a mix of the extraordinary and ordinary, but nothing that had entered my thoughts in over a decade.

I'm afraid I wasn't born with the roomiest cerebrum and I simply don't have the shelf space for mental knick-knacks that clutter up the place. Things that can't be immediately used are ruthlessly gathered up and buried in some hole, unlikely to ever see light again. I was trying to explain to a friend, who was shocked at how much I'd forgotten, that because I've moved around a lot, I simply can't afford to cling to what I leave behind or I'd never be able to deal with the present. She accused me of being uncaring, but I think I'm just pragmatic.

For example, seeing my friend, whose marriage I had gone to Canada to attend, was for me, a bittersweet experience. We hadn't met in years, and I was glad that despite all the time that had passed, she still considered me a good enough friend that she wanted me to be her matron of honor. But having to eventually say good-bye to her reminded me that we live in separate worlds. We might email and even meet again, but we'll never be a part of each other's lives the way we were when we used to live in the same town.

In Japan, I know Japanese people my age but they're my husband's friends, they will never be mine. I don't know if it's the language or something else, but no matter how many times we meet, there is a gap that seems unbreachable. The people I do consider my friends are foreigners and I've yet to meet one who intends to live here forever. Eventually, everyone wants to go home. I could be disturbed by this. I could miss every friend I have ever said good-bye to and think, I'll never have friends like that again. But what would be the point?

Maybe I come across as hard-hearted but I learned a long time ago the value of letting go and not looking back. So maybe I don't care as much as I used to about anyone or anything, but unfortunately I'm more at peace for it.
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