Questions that Cause My Brow to Crinkle Adorably
- would people with hairy armpits use stick deodorant? Does the waxy stuff somehow fight and claw its way through the thicket to reach the skin beneath?
- do people who go on a diet that cuts out one of the major food groups think that (a) this is a good idea and (b) they could possibly maintain such a diet without eventually [i] going bald/toothless from malnutrition (which strikes me as counterproductive to the most common goal of dieting) or [ii] caving like a big pile of rocks?
- don't men fight for widespread acceptance of skirt-wearing? Women fought to wear pants, and I believe skirts are just as worthy. They're so much more comfortable and well-ventilated than pants, especially on hot summer days. You'd think, with all those sperm in danger of overheating, that guys would wish to get with the program.
- does synchronized swimming have to propagate an overall atmosphere of a psychotic military-run funhouse? I think what those women can do is an athletic miracle. Yet for reasons I cannot fathom, they feel the need to ridiculize (yes, my word) the dignity of the sport with the goose-step march to the pool, the hair that looks like they practiced too close to an oil spill, the painted dummy grins, and the menacing music compounded by a lot of exploding in and out of the water with "grrrr" arms and clawed hands. Whenever I watch synchronized swimming, I want to focus on the athletes' skill, but I end up helplessly distracted by the theatrics instead.
- before the pesky existence of borders and mean customs officers, when humans were free nomads traversing the earth, did a bunch of us decide the Arctic would be a neat place to settle? I imagine these people, wandering further and further north, witnessing the steady recession of most life-forms, and they thought what? This is great. Let's keep going until we're engulfed on all sides by blinding-white landscape, where we'll never have sex naked ever again, and we'll eat mostly frozen things as chapped as our faces? I know there are people out there who love cold weather, and maybe we were a little more hirsute back then--but I'm talking about the very beginning. If life was once all about the most basic survival, wouldn't wanting to move to a place that cold be like having an evolutionarily suicidal gene? Obviously I've forgotten everything I ever learned in social studies class--except how sailors used to get scurvy; and also pemmican (like an energy bar made with powdered meat, berries, and fat)--so I'm sure there's a painfully obvious answer behind this migration mystery.