And here I was feeling bad...

I love food. In general, I don't like saying mean things about edibles. I also have something of a greedy-pig reputation to uphold, so I am doing myself something of a disservice if I show signs of actually...having preferences.

I was, however, trying my best to give an honest report when I admitted I wasn't terribly impressed by my first fig encounter.

Wanting to be fair though, I started searching out other, more experienced opinions... like the California Fig Advisory Board. They were very cute and loving about a subject obviously very close to their hearts. Did you know the fig is not actually a fruit but "a flower that is inverted into itself"? Hmm...that sounds kind of painful.

I couldn't help but feel that the California Fig Advisory board was a tad too supportive of their little inverted flower. I needed a second opinion. Which I found pretty quickly in the God Hates Figs website, whose author--erm, devout disciples--not only hates figs but tells us why god hates them too.

It's hard at first to believe you're really looking at a site entirely devoted to condemning figs (and "fig-eaters"), albeit the dried variety. I kept thinking there had to be some hidden meaning. But nope, I think you can pretty much take it at face value: this is a fig-hating denomination that has written up a scarily large number of articles with titles like "The Fig-Eaters find new ways to mock us!" and "The Evil in Our Midst." Funny in a my-geeky-kid-brother kind of way--there is a reference to "Deep Space Nine" (which I think is one of numerous TV shows with spaceships in them that all look like Star Trek to me)--I kind of got won over by the (possibly) inadvertently revealing quotes, like in the Q&A page:

[Who are you people, and why don't you get a life?]...we do have a life. We watch Touched By an Angel religiously (no pun intended.) We're known for our witty repartee and our fabulous book-burning parties. But every time we walk into a grocery store and see those awful turdlike Satanic morsels staring out at us from every shelf, our righteous indignation is stirred anew. Think of us as that quiet kid at the back of your fifth grade class who ran the chess club and secretly blew up mailboxes. Except now we're all grown up and moving on to bigger, better things.

I've always had a thing for nerds, and you kinda get the feeling that the author really was the quiet kid who ran a chess club. Awwwww....

I cannot in good conscience omit the fact though that I once found the movie "Hot Shots Part Deux" enjoyable, so you may wish to stay back from this one.

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