Because of Edward

I've decided to have a few ongoing posts, which I'll keep adding to. Here's my first one, a tribute to that stumpy, hairy, demanding guy in my life.

Because of Edward:

1. I have a live-in welcoming committee, whose sole member makes me feel well loved but sometimes takes his dedication to the extreme, pulling out the "HELLO RACHEL!" banners and violently wagging tail every time I come home, regardless of whether I was gone for five minutes or five hours, and each morning, as if we hadn't been in the same room all night.



2. I'm now qualified to join the circus. Ladies and gentlemen, try to suspend your disbelief as Rachel balances in a typhoon, holding an umbrella aloft in the crook of her neck, deftly picking up dog poop with one hand, and with the other hand rescuing a dog (who is lunging madly into the street trying to get at the dog on the other side and is completely unaware that it is standing in the way of an oncoming vehicle), all the while giving directions to the nearest library in a foreign language!



3. My neighbors think I'm an unbalanced nut. Here's what they saw when I first moved in: a crazy-haired woman in a t-shirt standing alone on her balcony at odd hours of the morning and night, muttering/yelling things like, "toilet," "poo poo," "whoa, NO!" and "good boy!" I live in an apartment, without the luxury of a yard, and I was trying to toilet train a creature that literally had to go the bathroom every hour. The solution: puppy training sheets on the balcony. Unfortunately, when your dog only comes up to your shins, no one can see the piddling pooch, just you looking strung out from no sleep, terrifying all the mothers and children walking by.



4. I've touched poo with my bare hands - hey! This one is practically a rite of passage when you've got a dog, or perhaps a small baby. It's never intentional, for god's sake. You think you've got a nice whole plastic bag that you're going to deftly slip your hand into, pick up the goods, invert bag, and voila, poo in the bag. Well, sometimes plastic bags have holes. I've learned to always check first.



5. I have extended conversations and even non-relationships with strangers I meet on a daily basis, whose only connection to me is that they too own a dog or they think Edward really likes them (when actually Edward acts like that with everybody).



6. I laugh a lot more.



7. Stay tuned. I know, you can hardly wait.