Reassessment

I received such nice, bolstering comments in my last post--thanks, you guys! Hearing from you really made me feel better. But I'm beginning to think that perhaps Oxfam is not for me.

I know the overall response was "Don't be too hard on yourself," but the truth is that I'm really not. I'm much too easy on myself most of the time, which is why I live an extremely carefree life--a life that I do love. But it's a selfishly wonderful existence, and when I'm not savoring it or wondering with dread how long happiness can stretch uninterrupted, I know it's not right.

I didn't explain myself well in the previous post however. The reason I felt so down about my unwanted forum was not so much a matter of putting all my eggs in one basket--rather, the forum was the only egg I had in the basket. I did also try to help out with public relations--an area I was told could do with more people--but I have no experience in PR and I was not exactly stunned when my attempts to contact the Japanese media were flatly ignored. The bald fact of the matter is that now that my forum idea has crashed, I cannot think of a single way to contribute any further. I've mentioned to the volunteers that I'd be willing to offer my assistance to anyone who needs it, but the Oxfam volunteers are a competent, rather independent bunch. Everyone is encouraged to create their own projects, and it is nobody's fault but my own that I find myself floundering.

And realistically, even if the forum had gotten a positive response, it wouldn't have required that much more effort on my part to develop it and keep it running. It wouldn't have required a huge, long-term commitment on my part.

So I guess I'm a little too...er...uninspired to be a part of the Oxfam Japan family. I need a more structured, less solitary environment (and maybe a touch of feverish desperation for help, any help, on the part of the organization). I'm certain there's something out there! There must be loads of opportunities in a city the size of Tokyo.

Plus, I never really got my feet wet, so being a quitter easing out of Oxfam and taking my rather unvaluable self elsewhere surely won't be too hard. There, I've talked myself into--or, rather, out of--it.

Back to square one.