In Training

A while back, I officially put myself on a strict muscle-training program. For my bladder, that is. Yes, yes, I know I go on way too much about toilet-related subjects for someone who doesn't have a baby. But chalk it up to spending much of the first half of my childhood with two brothers, two half brothers, and one father with a particularly juvenile sense of humor who I did my best to impress.

Anyhow, this bladder training is in fact serious business because I'll be--happy dance--traveling to Vietnam soon and I do not want to be spending half my trip searching for toilets. Sure, it's easy for all you camel-like Water Retainers to be snide and superior. But my whole life, it's been this way: what drink goes in almost immediately demands to come out, which leaves me feeling perpetually dehydrated, and so I tend to guzzle beverages like there's no tomorrow... and the uncomfortable cycle goes on. Due to this inferior holding capacity, whenever I move some place new, I always work quickly to hone an insider's knowledge of as many accessible public toilets as possible. I even once contemplated starting a pocket guidebook series of public loos for all the major cities of the world.

Here would be my proposal to the publishers: Lots of detailed maps marking hidden side entrances into establishments, etc., but also invaluable tips that will get that user into the nearest white-tiled haven ASAP. For example, "There is a key for customers, nestled in a basket next to the cash register and closely watched by the dark harpy presiding over the coffee bar. But it is possible to slip off with the key when she turns to froth milk for her cappuccinos (which are dreadful and should not be bought in exchange for toilet privileges--it would be far better to take deep, calming breaths and wait until she's distracted)."

But when I go traveling, it's like being thrown to the lions. I don't know what to expect, who to turn to, and where my bladder might inopportunely rear it's annoyingly little head. Which is why I wish someone else would take my toilet guidebook idea and just run with it already. Note to my idea thief: Start with Hanoi. And hurry.

« Home | previous post: Obi Hanging in Shop Window » | previous post: A Bit Off » | previous post: Blood Orange Stink » | previous post: Staying Perfectly Still » | previous post: O-Bento » | previous post: Link Alert: Recipe Collection from Japanese Pâtiss... » | previous post: What's on Tonight » | previous post: Minimiam » | previous post: Ask, and you shall receive; seek, and you shall fi... » | previous post: To Sit or Not to Sit »


There's another approach I suppose - eat salty foods. My dad was saying not too long ago that when he had a salty dinner he was able to sleep through the night without having to get up. Maybe not the healthiest approach, but then again better than having no where to go! 

from Cathy

3/28/2006 09:40:00 AM  

Rachel, that would be amazing!

Also guide to differences between countries... for instance, best to avoid the toilet as much as possible on the trans-siberian because:
People who are used to squatting on toilets + regular, non squat style facilities + a rocking train...

not pleasant.

3/29/2006 08:58:00 AM  

Cathy, I would love to latch on to your helpful suggestion, but I know the salty food will just make me thirstier than ever--danger!

B! I'm glad you like my guidebook idea. You also raised an excellent point about country comparisons. The visual I got from the squatting toilet and the rocking train--oh dear.

3/29/2006 03:01:00 PM  

You're not diabetic, I hope? Dont mean to sound all gloom-and-doom, but...

oh by the way, the toilet guidebook - PUHLEESE write one! :)

3/29/2006 08:40:00 PM  

i'm the opposite. I can go without for quite a while but I suspect it's because I don't guzzle enough water AND I like salty food! Actually, I like ALL foods.

Actually, I'm hungry right now. How about a salty bacon & eggs brekkie, with sauteed mushrooms and spinach, rye break to soak every buttered bit up???!! Ok, musteat n-o-w.

Rachel, write that guide. It's a splendid idea! Can you just imagine Discovery Travel & Adventure channel doing a travel show based on your guide? Ian Wright would be the perfect host. Priceless xo

~ good girl ~

4/17/2006 10:34:00 AM  

I've always been jealous of people like you--or, rather, people with bladders like yours. You lucky people. I like salty food too but it seems to do me no good.

It's nice that my book idea has received some support, but I'm just too lazy to follow through.  

from Rachel

4/20/2006 12:04:00 AM  

Post a Comment